Take my patented “Are you a chav” personality test
One point for yes, zero point for no

Question 1:
Have you ever listened to music through the speaker on a mobile phone in public?

Question 2:
Have you ever made a derogatory comment to a stranger in public?

Question 3:
Has your behaviour ever caused a senior citizen to remonstrate with you?

Question 4:
Did your response to the above contain more curse words than other words?

Question 5:
Should I ask, could you get me a gun in 1/2 hour (or the bullets are free)

Question 6:
Would your newspaper obituary describe you as “A character” or “No angel”?

Question 7:
Have you ever struck up a conversation with a stranger using “You think you’re so fucking good…” or words to that effect?

Question 8:
Is consistent low-level larceny something to be proud of?

Question 9:
Do you wear your hood up, even when in-doors or in sunshine?

Question 10:
Have you ever been part of a non-occupational group who unironically referred to themselves as a “crew”

Congratulations, you are certainly not a Chav at all. Jolly well done indeed.

There’s a good chance you are in fact a normal person who at some point fell in with the archetypical “bad crowd” or had at some point been under the influence of a little too much intoxicant.

I hate to break it to you, but you are in fact a Chav in training. A score of five or more could not easily be explained away as youthful high-jinks or a situation gone awry. You’ve demonstrated a clear tendency towards what is officially classed as “anti-social behaviour”, and unofficially as “being a dick”.

Congratulations, you are a chav, the lowest of the low. School was just something that happened to other people and you blight the lives of those around you. In fact the only chance you have to make a positive contribution to society would be through an elaborate and entertaining suicide.


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