On Mediums

Posted: 11th January 2010 by Get No Happy in Angry Rants, Miscellaneous
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We all know mediums are utter nonsense yes? Because they are, they cynically prey on weak, vulnerable and stupid. But lets assume they are indeed communicating with the long dead who are just queuing up to tell the living “not to worry about the table” or other drivel. Now should anyone I know reading this die, and for whatever reason (drink, madness etc) I visits a medium, I don’t want to hear that you miss me, that Benny says “Hi”, or indeed anything about a table. I want to know the following

What is death like
Because, yaknow, everyone kinda wants to know this. As a species we’re cursed with the knowledge that one day we will blink out of existence and it would be nice to know whether it’s something to look forward to or not. It strikes me as odd that of all the things medium’s channel, this isn’t one of them.

Which religion was correct (if any)
One would think is also an important question to ask. If one believes in a heaven/hell then life resembles a end-of-year exam where no one has told us the marking scheme or which book to revise from, and it would nice to hear from someone who took last years paper. Catholic? Muslim? Mormon? which is the one we should follow? Or did God accidentally leave the chapter headings for his latest detective novel on mountain rocks and we’ve done the equivalent of the Nazi planet TOS episode? Was it stupid to not eat meat on Friday or are those who consumed pork destined for eternal torment?

What is heaven like
Shall we expect to see herds of dinosaurs roaming under the shadow of a looming Star Destroyer as everyone indulges in incessant fornication? Will we be immaterial and spend our days as cognitive energy clouds debating the nature of morality? Is it the same as here except everything is a little more glowy. Again, a valid question

What’s who like
Assuming the afterlife doesn’t depend on strict entry requirement there will be a lot of famous people there. Apart from questions such as “who really killed you” it’d be nice to know say what King John was thinking when he signed Magna Carta, was Darwin impressed by DNA when he found out about it, would Saladin be up for a game of chess, (or indeed Total War), is Elvis condemned to spend eternity signing heavenly autographs? People love to name drop and why should this change once one passes through the veil; I can’t believe no one, no one, has ever said “Son, you’ll never guess who I just met” or something to that effect, I bloody would.