The Ballard of Star Trek Mug

Posted: 1st March 2010 by Get No Happy in Miscellaneous
Tags: ,

Since the arrival of my beautiful Zero Punctuation mug I’ve been forced to address a dark chapter in my life; the disappearance of my beloved NCC 1701-D Star Trek Mug. One day it was there, the next it was just gone. A real tragedy. Lost forever like a small white girl holidaying in Portugal. There are but four rational explanations for it’s disappearance (In no particular order)

1) Someone stole it
2) Someone broke it and never told me
3) It became lost in my previous house
4) Slavers, or possibly Barbary Pirates

1) The reasons for this are clear, namely it was fucking sweet: It was deliciously over-sized, significantly bigger than a normal mug, and therefore it’s caffeine-to-refill ratio was high. Furthermore, unlike some other Star Trek themed chalices, it was ceramic and not some tacky piece of plastic. However, lest ye think I am pointing the accusing finger of accusation at someone, there are, alas, no suspects. Now in 2nd year my X-File cup went missing, only to be found by me while accidentally rummaging through the room of the housemate I suspected of concealing it. However this time I never had people I didn’t not know in my house, and unless the Land Lord took a liking to it I can’t imagine who would actually swipe a mug from me at a house party or visit.

2) There is the chance someone broke it and in a fit of TV drama insanity decided to hide the body: maybe with the intention of replacing it at a later date or hoping I would forget about it and just buy another one. Again, I can’t see someone not telling me it had been broken. As much as I (clearly) loved the mug, the chances of me driving shards of broken pottery into their eyes were slim. However the chances are increasing with each passing month…

3) I looked high and low for the damned thing. I braved spider-guarded crevasses and crannies in my vein search for my favorite novelty cup; I looked under, around and inside anything and everything. I only drew the line at full housemate cavity searches due to their prudish protests. Furthermore, in the process of moving out, the house was again thoroughly searched for stragglers, therefore it could not have possibly been left.

4) This leaves but one option. It was specifically targeted, stolen for order, by forces unknown. Is it the work of slavers, forcing all manner of degradations into it’s innocent cavity for the pleasure of cackling foreign businessmen? Was it the Russians as they reassert themselves in the world of espionage? Mossad perhaps? and what message were they trying to send? There are so many unanswered questions, but I will not stop until I have answers damnit

If you would like to contribute to my quest, please leave your bank details in the comments section and I will deduct the amount I think to be appropriate.

And I must point out I am still genuinely pissed off my mug is missing

  1. anonomaly says:

    Sounds like a job for a certain paedophile detective!

  2. becca_san says:

    Ok you couldn’t cope with Kezz and I jokingly renamimg a few of your files on your computer!! Thus I can imagine someone being too scared to tell you that they had broken your mug!

    • Get No Happy says:

      lol, well in my defense I was drunk (and have apologised about this…). Though, lest you thing you get away clean, my virtual linux didn’t like being moved! 😉

  3. taziun says:

    Wait… is that the one you were looking for at 1 Hall Road?

    And can’t you just get a new one. It’s prob 0,99 on eBay or something hence you’ll have your mug.

  4. xoxo Gossip Girl says:

    What if I told you I know what happened to it?
    What if I told you it was indeed the 1 Hall Road house that saw the mug’s fate?
    How much do you want to know what happened to it?